Being 26 and What it Means to be Willing to Die for It

A lot of the people I've talked to about my passion for taiko have heard 2 things:
1: That I hope to play for at least 50 years (only 32 more to go) and
2: That I kinda hope when my time comes, I die while playing so I can prove to the universe that I have given everything I possibly can to taiko; my life notwithstanding.

It's a cliche, albeit not without merit, to use the etymology of a word to make a point of rhetoric; nonetheless I'm going to do so. Passion's Latin root word doesn't have anything to do with love, or dedication, or anything related to commitment. Passion is about suffering. You're passionate about something when it means so much to you that you're dragging your soul through trenches of acid and barbed wire. It's that intensity when you gasp for air amidst the fog of an early spring morning and every breath feels like sparks of fire in your lungs. Passion is when you've committed your entire soul to an endeavour so that every success is met with bleeding shame that you haven't suffered through enough effort to deserve it and when every failure is a reminder that you still have more life to surrender and sacrifice at the altar.

It's been many years since I've realised that I've sworn my life to taiko. Not only has it been my entire adult life, my entire taiko life is now as old as an adult. I'm 26 now and I'm full of life to give. The past two years, I wrote about my introspective tribulations vis-a-vis gender; in many ways understanding how I've come to internally understand myself is best done via taiko. My body is tolerable insofar that it lets me execute functionalities which enable taiko. My face lets me convey my passion to the audience. Previously, I've scorned the body and desired to exist as pure essence. Within the realms of the natural world, I can come close; my body is the tool which I use to impart my essence to the world and back onto myself.

Some of the taiko I play on are 44 years old. I was so much more powerful and ferocious at 25 than 10, but I hope to continue struggling towards mastery at 40. Below I am playing the same part of the same song at 14 and 25. I know I can still get better.

I've talked with a lot of people in moments where they're feeling crushed by failure at not living up to the expectations and aspirations they have for themselves in Melee. I almost never talk to them about Melee directly in these times because I've never cared about being that good at melee. I talk a lot about how I feel about taiko and how the suffering we feel is a good thing. Only those who care can suffer and caring is the most important thing we have in our lives.

I care so much about taiko.

I care so much about my friends.

I care so much about right-living and justice.

I care so much about life.

I'm exactly 26 years old as of 2:26 this afternoon on June 9th 2025 and I love to live and so I also love to suffer.